I love Christmas. I have loved Christmas for as long as I can remember. I love the sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes of Christmas. But most of all, I love the story of Christmas. I love the security that comes with knowing that the Father sent His son to this earth to live the life that I should have lived and to die the death that I should have died. And because He LOVED me enough to do so, I am free. Free from my sins and free from the burdens of this life - He holds me in the palm of His hand. Sure, He gives me my own crosses to bear, but I know they are just there to push me deeper and deeper into His loving grip. So, for that, I am learning to be truly thankful. There is a peace that washes over me knowing that He loves me with a love that will not let me go. I am broken and fallen and a complete and utter mess in every sense of the word most of the time, and yet He loves me. And I mean REALLY loves me.
I sat here today and thought about loving someone SO MUCH that I would be willing to sacrifice one of my girls so that person could live. It is something that I cannot wrap my mind around. And yet, that is what we are celebrating today. We are celebrating the birth of one who would ultimately die so that I could live. So that John and Ryan and Sophie and Ella could live. So that you could live. The idea really does overwhelm me and humble me. It is something that I do not deserve.
Last night, we went to Christmas Eve service at church. It is one of my favorite worship services of the year. It really is a short service, but always so rich and sweet and precious. I was moved to tears this year (what's new, right?) at the sound of my precious girls singing along as best they could to songs about the birth of their Savior. Ella is our little songbird and she did the best she could to sing what we were singing, even if she just sang the ending sounds on the words. I have been trying to sing "O Come All Ye Faithful" with them each night after we read our Advent story for the night. They both know all of the words to that song, so it was exciting for them to get to sing it during the service last night. Dr. Young then read the Christmas story out of Luke 2. I just cannot help but look ahead to Easter at each Christmas Eve service. As we take Communion, I sit there and think about the fact that we are celebrating the birth of the One who came to DIE for us.
I have done the best I could to talk a lot with Sophie this year about what Christmas is really all about. Ella is still just a bit too young, but Sophie is at the perfect age to start "getting it". We talked again tonight about why we celebrate Christmas, and I really do believe that it is starting to click in her little mind and that God is softening her heart so that it is moldable. That has always been my prayer and to see it start to come to fruition in God's perfect will is an awesome thing. Again, I am humbled. To have these girls entrusted to me is such an awesome responsibility. But at the same time, it is such a wonderful gift and blessing.
This has been a wonderful year in so many ways. This is my week to slow down and really reflect on that. Now that the hustle and bustle of shopping and wrapping and baking and shipping is done, I intend to do just that. I plan on having my two oldest girls do the same.I think it is so easy to get stuck in "the moment" when things are scary or sad or stressful, and we (or at least I) have a tendency to focus on all of the negative aspects. We get scared and overwhelmed and tense and anxious. Things that seem so big and impossible to overcome in the moment are, in actuality, very small when you look at them in hindsight. So, this week, I am going to look back in hindsight. I am going to focus on the ways that I made my God so small. I am ashamed to think about all of the times that I did just that - thought that my God was too small to handle something in my life. And, I am going to choose to look at this year all over again - this time looking at how BIG my God was throughout it all. I am praying that 2009 sees me remembering Him as a God who is mighty to save.
For those of you who read this (if anyone at all reads this), I assume that you are reading because you love our family. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for the countless prayers you have lifted up on behalf of us and our girls. We love you all so very much.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26
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